Messy

Many days, I feel like my life is on full display.  In the past few months, I've gone from feeling generally liked to knowing full well that people are talking about me and judging us.  I have been blocked by a couple people on Facebook; I have been unfriended and unfollowed; I have learned that information we never shared has somehow been made known anyway.  I've learned that there are some who think we are so wrong that they refuse to believe anything else--and I can't change that.  No matter how hard the decisions we made were (and are) for us, there are some who just don't seem to believe us when we say they are the best for everyone.  There are some who haven't respected our privacy and have been blatant about it.  And it hurts.

We are not without pain.  When you act out because you don't like a personal decision, it stings.  When you quickly turn away when you walk by us in church, we notice.  When you go from liking everything I've ever posted on Instagram to no longer liking a thing, you've made your point.  It is okay if you don't understand--it wasn't something we ever expected, and it is hard to grasp.  If we'd known this would be the outcome, I don't know if we would've been obedient from the start.

Life isn't always something that can be tied up in a pretty box, and I'm sorry that our mess has flooded over into your lives.  We didn't want this.  But we know without a shadow of a doubt that it is what is right for everyone involved.

I didn't fully understand how hard it could be to walk into a church until recently.  Now I know.  Not every face is smiling and welcoming.  Not every face loves you no matter what.  And that's going to have to be okay, I guess, because we are still welcome in God's eyes.  So, I will fight the anxiety and fear that I now face every time I enter the building.  I will lean on God and trust that He will continue carrying me.

He is my Rock, my Refuge and Strength.  He is Trustworthy and True.  He is Light in the darkness.  He is Merciful, Forgiving, Gracious and Good.  And He welcomes me with open arms.  That is enough for me.

Thankful Thursday

Today Emily sent me information about a prayer club at school that she is interested in joining, and I am thankful that she is interested in more than just the things of this world.

Last night, our family was able to attend the FC Dallas game together (they won) and see the Women's World Cup trophy.  We were also there early enough that we had a great parking spot and got to play and do all of the fun freebies they have inside the stadium.  And I am thankful.

Yesterday, I was able to play with toddlers for two hours during BSF, and I am thankful.

Tomorrow I get to watch Josh and the rest of his grade run laps to raise money for their school, and I am thankful that he is healthy and able to do so.

Next week, Jeff celebrates 18 years at the same company, and I am thankful.

This week I have watched my children as they have began to make their BSF lesson more their own, and I am thankful that they are learning about having daily time with the Lord.

I am thankful--for the little things every day that make life so much better.  I am thankful for the gifts God gives that we so often don't even see.  I am thankful.

Celebrating J

This past weekend was a three day weekend, so we finally celebrated Josh's birthday--a little late.  This year he chose to go to Great Wolf Lodge rather than having a party.  It's actually the third time in five years he's chosen this, and I love it!  It takes away the party planning and let's us all have a low stress good time.  Besides, it's one of our family's favorite places, so you can't beat that!

We were there for about 25 hours, and I think we made the most of every minute.  We played for hours in the water park, played Shadow Quest for a few more hours, trick-or-treated, ate yummy food, and even managed to sleep a little.

It's been a couple years since we've been there, and it was fun this time as we realized how much easier it is now that the kids are older.  They are much more self sufficient, and we were able to have a good time together without always worrying about if they were going to fall out of the tube on the water slide. ;)

So, though it's been a few weeks since my boy turned 9, happy birthday, J-man!  I am so thankful for you!  Thanks for letting us celebrate with you!

Girlfriends

This Thankful Thursday I am thinking about friendship.  As I received a call today from a friend who was concerned that the text she'd sent me might upset me, I hung up the phone relishing in the friends the Lord has given me.  I pondered the different types of friends: the ones who know you just need to go to lunch rather than heading home after Bible study, the ones who send a message just to check in, the ones who stay up late with you talking about everything and nothing, the ones who you meet up with for coffee or lunch, the ones who give you a hug at just the right moment, the ones who flat out love you no matter how ugly you're being or how much your insecurities are showing....The list could go on and on!

I have been so blessed in my friendships, and I am grateful.  There are obviously "seasonal" friends (those who are only around for awhile) as well as lifelong friends, and I am thankful for both.  Girlfriends are something irreplaceable in a woman's life, and I am thankful to have some of the best in the world.

Love you, girls.

From the Ashes

I feel like I need to take a minute and delve a little into the ashes.  Sometimes the ashes become flames when outside influences sweep in and stir them around, and I don't want that to happen.

First, to all of you who have come directly to us when you've had questions or wondered about what has been happening in our lives, thank you.  We are willing and fully able to speak for ourselves about what has happened, and we appreciate those of you who have gone straight to the source.  It is obviously a difficult situation, and we are doing our best to protect all involved.

For those who are mad at us or just don't understand, we are sorry you feel that way.  No one else has walked in our shoes--no matter how similar your situation might be, so no one can know what all has happened.  Please try to be respectful in the midst of whatever feelings you have toward us.  We are sorry for the pain it may have caused you from the outside, but try to imagine how much more pain we must feel on the inside.

And for those who have no idea what is going on, please feel free to private message us or speak to us directly (but preferably not in public or in front of our kids).  We aren't hiding out.  But we are moving forward.

By God's grace, we are healing and we appreciate your kindness towards us as the Lord mends our hearts and minds.

Soccer Saturday

Today was FULL of soccer!  Josh had 2 games, Emily had one, and the kids were signed up for the Lauren Holiday Experience, too.  For those who don't know, Lauren Holiday is on the U.S. Women's National Team (soccer), and they recently won the World Cup--and her club team won the NWSL Championship a couple days ago for the 2nd year in a row.  She is retiring after the USWNT Victory Tour, so this is likely one of the last times she'll do an event like this (anytime soon anyway).

Both E and J had a couple friends at the Lauren Holiday Experience with them, and Jeff was out on the field as a "helper" coach during the clinic part of the morning.  There was a Q&A time, and they handed out some questions ahead of time to a few kids to get things going.  Josh was supposed to ask one, but he passed it on to Emily, so she got to talk in the mic and ask Lauren what her favorite smoothie is (the event was sponsored by Smoothie King).  After the Q&A, they did a little bit of the USWNT warm-up drill, and then we got in line for autographs and smoothies.

Emily's friend and teammate, Madeline, is currently undergoing chemotherapy for osteosarcoma, so E and her friend asked Lauren to wear a Madeline Strong bracelet and we got a picture of her in it.  She also signed a picture of our Manchester team for Madeline.  We were so excited to get to meet her and have her help us to support sweet Madeline.  (And Josh smiled and got a picture and autograph, too--he is just a lot more chill about the whole thing.) ;)

It was a great Saturday of soccer that finished with a nice win by Baylor--my favorite kind of Saturday in the fall!  Now if only I didn't have a red neck and red cheeks....oh well!  It was worth it!

D, E, and K waiting for an autograph

Josh with Lauren

J and Lauren again

E and Lauren

Showing off her #madelinestrong bracelet

Signing our team picture

FIGHT ON!

Autographed picture the kids got

Field Trip!

Today was Emily's first middle school field trip.  We found out about it several weeks ago, and once I found out it was a trip to the George Bush Presidential Library, I immediately hoped Emily wouldn't mind if I chaperoned--thankfully, she didn't! I'd never been there before and have been wanting to go, so I was excited for the chance to not only go there but to get to go with her class.  Who knows how much longer she'll let me hang around....I'll take all the chances I can get!

We went to the Meadows Art Museum, Jason's Deli for lunch, and then the Presidential Library.  Things were a little rushed at both the museum and the library, but it was still a fun day.  Emily even wanted me to sit with her on the bus ride from school since her friends weren't in our group.  (Again, who cares about the reason--she wanted me to sit with her on a middle school bus ride!)  She did eventually link up with a new friend from history and sat with her on the ride home, which was fine with me.

It was fun to see her among some new friends today and get a taste of 6th grade life.  And I loved the presidential library--now I just want to go back and have more time to actually read all the signage and sit through the short movies playing throughout the rooms.

All in all, definitely a thankful Thursday. :)